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SPAWN.COM >> CULTUREBOOM >> PRICELESS E-MAIL >> 02.09.2009

PRICELESS E-MAIL
Updated February 09, 2009

We get a truckload of e-mail here daily and sometimes we can't help but laugh. Hey, it's all in fun and we remove the names to protect the, er, innocent. Letters are shown as received and aren't edited for spelling, clarity, etc. Enjoy.

TO SPAWN.COM STAFFERS

Dear Sirs, I recently purchased a halo Spartan figure produced by your company at the Riverside Swap Meet/ Long underpants Bazaar for my son "shooter" (so nicknamed because of his Halo prowess). Never having seen a figure from this series I was unaware that they are to be posed standing straightly or perhaps playing air guitar. This figure instead had both hands to the same side, with the hands pointed downward creating an uncanny resemblance to the zombie dance from the "Thriller" music video. Additionally one of the legs was bent awkwardly in a front dance-kick motion very similarly to Michael Jackson's classic HE-HEE kick from the videos of the early 90's. Unfortunately because of these seemingly harmless oddities, I have severely damaged my relationship with "Shooter". You see, a fortnight ago he performed a dance recital medley of early 80's to mid 90's dance pop in the school talent competition. Because of the cruelty of youth, his cleft lip, and total inability to squat thrust he was violently ridiculed by his classmates. He has spent every evening since throwing darts into a Michael Jackson poster while crying. He believed my gift was an attempt by his own father to further ridicule him. The following night the Michael Jackson poster was replaced by a blown up color copy of my wedding portrait (with my wife removed) and several dart holes in my forehead. I expect that you will do the right thing and send my son "Shooter" several dozen cases of super chase and a written explanation that this was a manufacturing error and not an elaborate attempt at shaming on the part of his father.

This is our new all-time favorite. - Ed.

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